春節臨近，情人節也近了，女生要出門約會，最頭疼的一件事就是穿什么衣服。如果這是你第一次約會就更麻煩了。相信看了本文，你至少會知道，什么是千萬不能穿的。

    First dates are always nerve-wracking -- that's a given. So many questions! Where will we go? What if I'm gassy? Should I let him pay or should I offer to split the tab? What will we talk about? Will he like me? More importantly, will I like him?

    第一次約會總是很緊張的，這是肯定的。你會有很多問題：我們去哪？他覺得我沒內涵咋辦？我是讓他請還是各付各的？跟他說點啥？他會喜歡我嗎？更重要的是，我會喜歡他嗎？

    All valid queries, but possibly the most pressing question any of us worry about is, what in the hell am I going to wear?

    在我們擔心的所有問題里，最正常但可能也是最有壓力的一個是，我到底應該穿啥？

    I am not a fashionista. Let me get that right out of the way. My jeans are Levi's and the only Prada I own was purchased off eBay. As I write this, I'm wearing a Gap T-shirt covered in cat hair and yellow ankle socks with bumblebees embroidered on them.

    我也不是啥時尚達人。咱就直接說了，我的牛仔褲是Levi's,唯一一個Prada還是eBay上買的。我寫這篇文章的時候，我穿的是Gap大賣場的T恤，上面粘的都是貓毛，一雙有大黃蜂團的黃色短襪。

    But while I don't know where hemlines are headed or what color will be the new black next season, I do have a handle on what you shouldn't wear on a date -- especially a first date.

    不過就算我不知道裙擺應該朝哪邊，啥顏色會進入下一季的黑名單，我的的確確知道你約會不能穿啥，尤其是第一次約會的時候。

    Under where?

    內衣穿啥？

    Bad underwear isn't necessarily ugly or old. It's the bra that pushes your boobies up beautifully, but pinches your underarm chub. It's the boyshorts you paid $50 for, but ride up your butt crack every time you climb a stair.

    不是只有難看的或者舊的內褲才是糟糕的。就算你的內衣可以很好的襯托出你的胸型，把你腋下的肉擠得跟鮭魚似的也不行。你可能花了50塊錢買了條低腰平腳短褲，但是每次你爬個臺階你的屁屁都快裂開了，這都是糟糕的。

    And yes, sexy Underoos can make a girl feel sassy, but that effect is lost when you're constantly digging elastic out of your behind.

    是，性感型的能讓一姑娘覺得自己挺時髦的，不過你總得去拽后邊的松緊帶的話，就啥效果都沒了。

    Battle of "The Bulge"

    和"贅肉"的戰斗

    While it's true that support garments count as underwear, I thought the scourge of the Spanx deserved its own entry. I once wore one of these Instruments of Torture on a TV audition and I'm sure the pained look on my face went a long way towards ensuring you'll never see me on prime time.

    塑型美體的也算內衣，我承認，我以為Spanx牌子帶來的折磨是值得的。我曾經穿了這種殘忍的刑具去參加一個電視試鏡，我確定我調整了好久才沒讓你們在電視上看見我疼得齜牙咧嘴的樣子。

    I get that we all want to look thinner than we actually are, but believe me, most guys would rather see a little belly bulge than deal with a cranky, cramping girl all night.

    我明白咱都想看著比實際瘦點，但是相信我，大部分男生都寧愿面對一個有點小肚子的姑娘也不愿意一整晚都面對一個被箍得快發瘋的姑娘。

    Romper stomper

    背帶褲連體服

    The romper/jumpsuit craze is one trend I will be happy to see end. Whether or not you're planning on getting naked with your date, wearing a one-piece tells your boy that he's going to have to work hard to get there. Too hard. No matter how deluded he might be, a guy always wants to imagine he has a chance of enticing you into a dark corner for a little hooking up.

    背帶褲連體服是我非常樂意看到走向沒落的東西，不管你是否計劃這次約會有什么深入發展，穿著一件連體服就是告訴男生，他要付出非常大的努力才能讓你們的關系有實質性的進展，也許怎么努力都不行。就算是自欺欺人也好，男生總是愿意想象自己有個機會把你帶到什么黑暗的角落開心一下。

    A jumpsuit says that ain't going to happen. Not to mention that unless you're a race car driver or a 3-year-old, the all-in-one outfit makes you look like a moron.

    一件連體服就意味著這根本不可能發生。所以，如果你不是個賽車手也不是三歲小孩，別穿這個，這種連在一起的衣服讓你看著像個傻瓜。

    Torture by toenail

    被腳趾折磨

    My boyfriend still reminds me of the time I wore a pair of sassy heels out to see his favorite band and made him leave before they even went onstage because my feet had turned into bleeding stumps. （I offered to leave on my own, but being a gentleman, he helped me hobble home and promptly never let me forget it.）

    我男朋友到現在還在說我有一次穿了一雙很時髦的高跟鞋，陪他去看他最喜歡的樂隊，最后在樂隊上臺之前就不得不拖著他離開，因為我的腳已經撐不住了。（我跟他說我可以自己走，不過作為一個紳士，他還是幫我一瘸一拐的走回了家，然后讓我對這件事永世不忘。）

    I know many women can wear sky-high heels with ease, but unless you're one of them, don't. I'm not saying you should wear sneaks, or worse, Uggs, but try to find some sort of manageable middle ground.

    我知道有些女生就算踩著高蹺也能很輕松的走路，除非你也是這樣的，否則不要穿太高跟的鞋子。我不是說你要穿運動鞋，或者Ugg啥的，不過找找那些你穿得來的中等高度的鞋子吧。

    Costume ball

    化裝舞會

    Lady Gaga can wear a metallic pleather bodysuit, wrap-around sunglasses and peep-toe, patent-leather booties. You can't.

    雷帝嘎嘎可以穿著金屬的仿皮革的衣服，帶著大大的太陽鏡，穿露趾涼鞋啥的，你不行。