Recently, I discussed the value of investing in yourself - putting time and money into improving you, not building assets. Today, we’ll look at one area of investing in yourself as part of an ongoing series on the topic, spread out once per weekday over two weeks. If you’d like to review all the entries, look at the investing in yourself subcategory.
Most of the time, I’m a reasonably happy and content person. I feel upbeat about my own life and I feel in touch with the world around me. Sure, I occasionally dive into melancholic moods, but compared to my mental state several years ago, things are going incredibly well for me.
It’s not easy, though. I spend time virtually every day keeping my mind in good shape and keeping my spiritual self - that sense of connecting with things I don’t fully understand - in shape, too. Without proper care and feeding - without a little regular time investment - it’s easy to watch these areas of your life wear down, leaving you feeling constantly exhausted, unhappy, and feeling rather empty on the inside.
Obviously, one big part of this puzzle is to eat well and to engage in exercise, two specific areas that will be addressed in other essays on investing in yourself. Another one may actually be proper care for psychological ailments - if you feel you need such help, getting that help can be a profound investment of your time and money. Beyond that, here are some things that you can do to shore up your mental and spiritual health.
Pray and/or meditate every day
Just try this, right now. Close your eyes, then breathe in deeply, hold it for about a second, breathe out completely, hold that for about a second, and repeat it ten times. While you’re doing it, concentrate on letting every muscle in your body relax. If you need to think about something else, try to mentally return the most peaceful experience you’ve ever had in your life.
Got it? That’s meditation in a nutshell, albeit a one minute taste of it. I spend twenty minutes or so each day doing this, usually in conjunction with stretching and basic yoga. I usually do it each day right after work, in a quiet part of my home. Prayer can also be a part of this if you choose. Spend some of your time being thankful for the blessings in your life, and use the relaxation of a meditative state to recharge yourself mentally and spiritually. Here are a few tips to help you get into the groove.
Put aside a bit of time each day to pray or meditate. It can be in conjunction with other activities - I do mine along with stretching, for example, and one of my closest friends does a short meditation and prayer each day in the shower. Just clear your mind of the mental clutter of the moment and allow yourself to unwind.
Try several basic meditative techniques until you find one that works for you. There are countless different techniques out there to help you meditate. Try using Google to find a few to try out. If it seems pointless and doesn’t work for you, throw it out and try another. Eventually, you’ll find something that clicks with you.
Accompany it with a spiritual reading to meditate on and/or some music. Often, I start meditating by reading a Bible verse aloud, something to give me a bit of focus as I meditate/pray. Try reading a short snippet from any work that is powerful in your life. Another useful thing to try is to select some ambient music to play softly while doing it - I find Boards of Canada to be very good for both meditation and any activity I do that requires mental concentration - their album The Campfire Headphase works very well for me.
Get adequate sleep
This is a particular challenge for me, as I tend to overstuff my days with activities. Sleep tends to be the biggest thing that I shortchange, and I sometimes suffer for it, feeling deeply worn down and mentally not engaged with the things I should be engaged with. If I’m sitting around yawning and thinking about sleep, I might as well be sleeping.
Take a power nap. Set aside a small period of time during the day to take a nap - thirty minutes should do it. This is a technique that I often have a hard time executing, but one of my coworkers closes his office every day and takes a thirty minute nap on the floor with the lights off - when he awakens, he’s like a new person.
Sleep extra on weekend nights. I tend to use my weekends to recharge from an overpacked week, and one aspect of this is sleeping extra on weekends. I’ll sleep as much as four hours more on a weekend night than a weeknight, and it makes a huge difference for me.
Fall asleep faster. I do this by organizing my evenings carefully. I’ll do things that require mental effort until I notice that I’m not as mentally sharp as I should be. Then, I’ll fill the next hour with mindless physical tasks - vacuuming, doing dishes, doing laundry, and so on. When I reach the point of genuine tiredness, where it’s challenging to actually stay awake, then I go to bed and I usually fall asleep in a minute or two. Alternately, if I went to sleep earlier, I’d just toss and turn in bed for a while, read something, toss and turn some more, and maybe get a half an hour of additional sleep out of the deal - not worth it.
Eliminate burdens that are wearing you down
As most of you know, the number of responsibilities I have on my plate are many. I often have to come up with creative ways to manage my time - writing in the early morning hours (as I type this, it’s 4:25 AM, for instance), buying groceries during my lunch break at work, mastering the art of balancing an infant while reloading the dryer, and so on. While I’ve been able to juggle everything effectively for a while, it can be a major mental load at times, and I am prepared to make some changes if I feel that I’m becoming overwhelmed. Here are some tactics for discovering things to cut out of your life.
Make a master list of all of the responsibilities in your life. Sit down and list every significant responsibility in your life. Your work commitments. Your family commitments. Your social commitments. Your community commitments. Just write them all down in one place, all of the things that are a burden in your life. You can make it highly detailed or just list the big things - I find, though, that the more items you list, the better off you are for what you can do with the list.
Rank them by importance. I usually split them into five groups ranking from absolutely essential (time with my family) to trivial (scooping the sidewalk or mowing the grass). This is mostly to gauge what’s really important to me - and what’s really not. Some honesty is vital here - I have some responsibilities that I should view as more important than I actually do, for instance.
Consider eliminating the bottom few. When you’re done, start from the bottom and look for ways to eliminate them. Can you hire someone to mow the yard or scoop the snow? Can you perhaps step down from that useless committee? Maybe you can cut out the sports booster activities in the coming year. Trimming away some of the least important things leaves you room to breathe - and perhaps room to grow in other areas.
Focus on your personal positives, not your negatives
Many people find themselves in a downward spiral of self-reinforced failure. They come to believe that they’ll never succeed at anything. This belief then influences their behavior and then, when this failure finally comes to pass, they use it as evidence that they are a failure. This self-reinforcement leads to a hugely negative self-image and a very strong likelihood that success will never happen in a person’s life. I’ve witnessed some variation on this in a lot of different people in my life and I’ve also witnessed that the best way to get out of it is through some positive reinforcement.
Consider the things that you do well. I have a friend named Tori, who sometimes comments on this blog. She’s the type of person who has a lot going for her, but she tends to dwell on the negatives. She’s a better writer than I am, for starters, and her ability to recall facts is probably the best I’ve seen. She’s also very good at lifting the spirits of others, she’s great at seeing the positive aspects in other people, and she’s one of the most patient people I’ve ever met. Yet, quite often, I’ve seen her drowning because she looks at her “bad” traits, when there are so many good ones to look at.
If you have a hard time thinking of your positive traits, talk to a friend about them. See what your friends view as your most positive traits. You might be surprised at what they say - I’ve heard friends describe traits in me that I would have never seen on my own.
Once you’ve really got a grip on what’s good about you, choose ways to spend your time that accentuate those positives. Tori, who I mentioned above, would probably be the best person I’ve ever met to write a pop culture blog of some sort - she’s got the writing skill, the knowledge base, and the right attitude and humor to really make that kind of thing work. Perhaps she should adopt something like that as a hobby, as it could naturally lift her spirits by letting her use her good traits and minimizing the traits she views as “bad.”
Set tiny goals each day
A friend of mine recently told me that she feels as though she accomplishes nothing in her life. That’s a shame, because almost everyone accomplishes far more than they ever realize. Here are some tactics to raise your awareness of the many things that you can accomplish in a day.
Set some microgoals for the day. I do this almost every day. I usually do something along the lines of the prep card idea, where I actually write down three or so things that I will do today, and two things that I won’t do. It’s simple stuff, but stuff that feels like an accomplishment at the end of the day, whether it be something that I actively do or a triumph of willpower. For example, you might write down that you’ll stop at the library today and finally get some books on a topic you’ve been wanting to follow up on, and you won’t eat any fast food today. At the end of the day, if you made that library stop and the willpower held out, you accomplished some goals today.
If you feel out of touch with your spiritual side, try to explore it in some fashion each day. Make it your goal to pray every day, or to learn more about a spiritual topic, or to read a small amount of scripture. Just touch base with it every day and you’ll eventually feel more in touch with your spiritual side.
Engage in regular mental exercise
Regular mental exercises are a great way to improve your concentration skills as well as your ability to solve problems. There are countless ways to approach this, but doing a somewhat regular series of mental exercises can really pay off. Here are some of my favorite web resources for mental elasticity.
WebSudoku is a brilliant way to solve sudoku puzzles at your convenience. Solve them online, or print off a handful to do later if you wish.
The New York Times crossword is another good challenge, particularly for word-oriented people. I enjoy solving them in pen, meaning I’m not allowed to erase and can’t make a mistake - it adds to the challenge and the focus I need.
Bridge, however, is my favorite mental game. It’s an incredibly engaging card game - don’t let a bit of terminology scare you off. Once you learn to play, it’s a brilliant way to learn to focus and make predictions. Not only does it help with mental acuity, it can also be a strong social game as well.
Take some time off
If you’re simply mentally and spiritually exhausted and the above solutions don’t help, it’s probably time for a recharge. Take some time off from your responsibilities - schedule a lengthy vacation from work and get in touch with other aspects of your life. Time off is as much an investment in yourself as time at work is - they both pay great dividends in different ways, and a healthy life contains some of both.
最近,我討論了自我投資的價值-花時間和金錢在完善你自己上,而不是購買資產。今天,我們先來看看自我投資的其中一方面,這也是將要開始的有關這個主題的系列文章的一部分。這一主題在這兩周的每個工作日會推出一篇文章。如果你想回顧全部的文章,請查看“自我投資”目錄下。
絕大多數(shù)時間里,我是一個理智、開心并知足的人。我對自己的人生感到樂觀,并與我周邊的世界保持聯(lián)系。當然,我偶然也會陷入感傷的情緒,但與我?guī)啄昵暗男睦頎顟B(tài)相比,目前的狀況對我來說簡直好得難以置信。
不過,達至這樣的狀態(tài)并不容易。實際上,我每天都要花時間來保持心情舒暢的狀態(tài),確保自我精神的健全——即使我還不很了解“自我精神”這種感覺。如果沒有恰當?shù)暮亲o——沒有定期投入時間去這么做的話——你很容易看到生命中的這一部分逐漸枯萎,然后你會感到持續(xù)的精疲力竭、不快活以及內心空虛。
顯然,良好的飲食和積極鍛煉也是實現(xiàn)心智健康的關鍵,不過這兩個領域我將在別的“自我投資”系列文章中具體介紹。另一個關鍵則是對心理失調的恰當治療——萬一你覺得自己需要這樣的幫助,用你的時間和金錢去獲得它將是一項有遠見的投資。在此之外,這里還有一些你可以做來改善自己的心智健康的事情。
每日祈禱和/或冥想
現(xiàn)在馬上就試。閉上你的眼睛,深呼吸,保持一會兒,然后徹底的呼氣,再保持一會兒,將上述步驟重復十遍。當你這么做的時候,集中精力讓你身上的每塊肌肉保持松弛。如果你忍不住要想一些別的事情,試著努力在腦海中回想那些你在人生中曾經歷過的最平靜的體驗。
明白了嗎?雖然介紹的有點簡單,但總之這就是冥想。每天下班后,在屋子里一個的安靜角落,我會花20分鐘左右這樣做,同時進行一些伸展運動和基本瑜伽動作。如果你愿意,可以把祈禱也作為其中的一部分。用一些時間感謝主對你生命的祝福,讓這個放松的冥想狀態(tài)使你的心理和心態(tài)得到回復。此外,這里還有一些小技巧可以幫助你保持最佳的精神狀態(tài)。
每天用一點時間來祈禱或冥想。可以和別的一些活動一起做——比如我同時會做一些伸展運動,而我最親近的朋友之一則會在每天淋浴時進行短暫的冥想和祈禱。這樣做將會為你清理心中的煩亂,使你放松心情。
多嘗試幾種基本的冥想技巧,直到發(fā)現(xiàn)一個對你最有效的。有數(shù)不清的技巧可以幫助你進行冥想。不妨用Google去找一些來嘗試下。如果某個技巧試下來對你沒什么意義,而且對你也不起效,放棄它,然后試試別的。最終,你總會發(fā)現(xiàn)一些適合你的。
將冥想與靈修閱讀及/或音樂結合起來。我通常會在冥想之前大聲朗讀圣經詩句,這會讓我在冥想或祈禱時能夠更好的集中注意力。嘗試朗讀一些對你人生有影響的著作中的短句。還有一項準備會有所幫助,就是在冥想/祈禱時不妨挑選一些節(jié)奏舒緩的環(huán)境音樂來播放——我自己感覺Boards of Canada(樂隊名)的音樂對冥想或是我從事的任何需要精神專注的工作都很有幫助——他們的名為《The Campfire Headphase》的專輯對我就非常管用。
充足睡眠
這對我來說特別重要,因為我總是喜歡把自己每天的日程排得滿滿的。我總是傾向于克扣睡眠的時間,有時會因此而感到非常的疲倦,無法專注于我本應該全身心投入的事情。所以如果我坐著在那無所事事的打哈欠并且想睡覺,我就會去睡覺了。
好好打個盹。在白天時花一小段時間打個盹——30分鐘就足夠了。我自己在實行這個方法時遇到不少難度,不過我的一位合作者之一每天白天會暫時關上辦公室的門,關上燈,然后在地板上小睡30分鐘——當他醒來時,他會感覺自己煥然一新。
周末晚上額外多睡一會兒。我傾向于在周末為過度勞累的一周做補償,而方法之一就是在周末補覺。在周末的晚上我會比平時多睡至4個小時,這對我非常管用。
讓自己快速進入熟睡狀態(tài)。我通過仔細安排晚上的活動來實現(xiàn)這點。我會做需要精神專注的工作,直到我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己的注意力無法集中。之后,我會再花一個小時做些無需全神貫注的體力活動——打掃衛(wèi)生,洗碗,洗衣服等等。當我真的感到疲勞,很難再保持清醒狀態(tài)時,我就會上床睡覺,這時我往往會在一、兩分鐘內入睡。如果不這樣做,而是早早上床,我只會在床上翻來覆去,過一會兒起來讀些東西,然后繼續(xù)輾轉反側。也許這么做能讓我多睡半小時——不過一點也不值得。
減少讓你疲憊不堪的責任數(shù)量
正如你們中的大多數(shù)知道的,我有許多的事需要處理。我經常得想出創(chuàng)造性的辦法來管理自己的時間——在凌晨寫作(比如,當我寫下這些東西的時候,是凌晨4點 25分),在我工作日的午餐時間去購買日常用品,在我使用烘干機的時候學習掌握平衡嬰兒的方法(?),等等。但當我能夠有效率的安排每件事,這工作本身又會變成一項很大的負擔。所以如果我覺得自己負擔過重,我就會準備去做些改變。下面有些技巧,能夠幫助你找到并去掉生活中一些多余的責任。
制作一張包括你生活中所有責任的清單。坐下并列出你生活中每個重要的責任。你的工作約定。你的家庭承諾。你的社會責任。你對所在社團的責任。把所有那些你生活中的責任都寫在一張紙上。你可以寫得非常具體,也可以只寫出大綱——不過我發(fā)現(xiàn),你寫在清單里的東西越多,這張清單就越能發(fā)揮作用。
對清單中的各項按重要性打分。我通常將所有的事情分到五個等級中,從絕對重要(有關自己家人的)到瑣碎小事(清理人行道或修剪草坪)。最關鍵的是判斷哪些事情對自己真正重要——而哪些不是。在此,對自己誠實非常要緊——比如說,有些你主觀上覺得不重要的事情,實際上比你感覺到的重要得多,你應該給它們多一點關注。
考慮如何消去位于清單底部的事項。當你完成了清單,從清單底部開始,看看有沒有辦法解決他們。你是不是可以雇人來修剪草坪和鏟除積雪?你是否能辭去那些無意義的職務?或者你也許能在接下去的一年里減少參與體育促進活動。去掉一些重要性較低的工作可以讓你有喘息的機會——并且為你在其他方面獲得進步創(chuàng)造條件。
關注你的優(yōu)勢,而不是劣勢
很多人發(fā)現(xiàn)自己處于一個不斷向下并自我強化的失敗循環(huán)中。他們開始相信自己永遠無法在任何事情上成功。這個想法影響到他們的行為,然后,當失敗最終來臨時,他們又將這作為他們自身失敗的證據(jù)。這個自我強化的循環(huán)會引起嚴重的負面自我認識,并導致他們有很大的可能性在自己的一生中永遠無法成功。我在很多不同的人身上見到過這樣的例子,不過我也見證了擺脫這種境地的最好辦法就是來自正面的強化推動力。
想想你出色的地方。我有一位時常在我的博客上留言的朋友,名叫Tori。她是那類有許多長處的人,但卻總是想著自己的缺點。首先,她在寫作上比我更出色,她的記憶力也許是我見過最好的。她還十分擅于給別人打氣,看到別人身上閃光的地方,她也是我見過的最有耐心的人之一。然而,我卻常常看到,即使有那么多的優(yōu)點,她卻因為只注意到自身的“缺點”而陷于消沉。
如果你不習慣去想自己的長處,不妨和朋友談談它們。看看你的朋友把什么看做你身上最大的優(yōu)點。你也許會因為他們所說的而大吃一驚——我曾經聽朋友們談起我身上自己從沒意識到的一些長處。
一旦你真正了解了自己的優(yōu)勢,接下來就該選擇能夠讓這些優(yōu)勢得到加強的方式。我上文提起過的 Tori,也許會成為我見過的最好的流行文化博客寫手——她有可以用來做好這件事的寫作技巧,豐富的相關知識,正確的態(tài)度和幽默感。也許,她就應該將寫作關于流行文化的博客當成習慣,因為這么做能夠通過發(fā)揮長處讓她自然的感到精神愉悅,并最大限度的弱化她身上那些她視為“不好”的特征。
為每天設置一個小目標
我的一個朋友最近告訴我,她老是感覺自己的一生一事無成。這是多么的遺憾,因為絕大多數(shù)人達到的成就實際遠比他們意識到的要大得多。下面就有一些技巧,能讓你意識到自己一天之內可完成許多事情。
為當天定下一些小的目標。我?guī)缀趺刻於歼@樣做。我通常采用記事便條的方式(譯注:prep card,具體可見http://www.lifeclever.com/your-prep-card-dont-leave-home-without-it/),我在便條上記下3件左右我打算當天做的事情。以及兩件我想克服的事。這都是些簡單的事情,是那些我覺得可以在當天結束時會有結果的事,有的是我會積極去做的,有些則用來鍛煉意志力。例如,你也許會寫今天打算到圖書館去,借幾本有關你正在關注的領域的書,此外今天不吃任何快餐食品。當一天結束時,如果你去過圖書館,而且堅持住沒吃任何快餐,你當天就確實完成了一些目標。
如果你覺得迷失了自我,不妨每天堅持用某種方式來追尋它。讓每天祈禱成為你的目標,或者是更多的了解有關靈性的知識,再或者閱讀一小段圣經。堅持每天這么做,你終將感到重新找回了自己。
定期進行智力練習
定期進行的智力訓練非常有助于促進你的專注能力和解決問題的能力。也許有數(shù)不清的其他方式能夠幫助你達到這個目的,但定期的智力練習確實非常有幫助。下面是我自己非常喜歡的一些提供智力游戲的網絡資源。
“網頁數(shù)獨”常出色,它讓你能方便的解決數(shù)獨謎題。你可以在線玩,也可以打印出一些,然后在你喜歡的時間做。
紐約時報的縱橫字謎游戲是另一個非常棒的智力挑戰(zhàn),特別是對那些文字感比較強的人。我喜歡用鋼筆寫下答案,這意味著我不能把寫錯的擦掉,不能犯錯誤——這樣做加大了挑戰(zhàn),并且使我更為專注。
橋牌也是我非常喜歡的智力游戲。它是一種有著迷人魅力的紙牌游戲——但別讓那一點術語嚇跑你。一旦你學會玩橋牌,你會發(fā)現(xiàn)這是學習專注和預測的極好方式。橋牌不僅鍛煉你的思維能力,同時也是一種很棒的社會性游戲。
休息一陣
如果你只是單純覺得精疲力竭,而上面的那些方法幫不到你,也許你該好好的休息一陣。從你的責任中將自己釋放出來——計劃個長假,忘記工作,嘗試做點不同的事情。休假也是非常重要的一項自我投資,不亞于工作——它們通過不同的方式為你帶來巨大的回報,健康的人生應該是兩者的均衡。