There’s no denying that our friends have a tremendous impact on our lives. Good friends make the good times even better, and the bad times more bearable. We learn and grow by sharing our thoughts and experiences with them. You could say that a life without friends is no life at all.

And yet, our need for friendship also creates a big risk. By befriending the wrong people, we invite chaos and confusion into our lives, possibly derailing our personal growth. Remember that you need to choose your friends carefully, allowing the good people into your inner circle while keeping your distance from those who would be harmful. Here are some important traits to look for in a good friend.

They’re generally positive.

While everyone has their ups and downs, a good friend will be positive most of the time. You really don’t want a “project,” someone who’s going to suck all the life force out of you with their constant negativity. Friends should benefit from being with each other, and let their positivity rub off on each other.

Life is short, and you don’t have time to save everyone from negativity while dragging yourself down in the process. And this goes both ways. In order to be a good friend, you need to be positive as well. Both of you should make the other feel better about themselves and life in general.

They don’t try too hard to change you.

You can’t change people who don’t want to change. People are different, and we have to just accept that. While we naturally want to share our views and hobbies with other people, it doesn’t make sense to force people to change. So don’t adamantly tell someone that they have to be a vegetarian, or they have to eat meat, or they have to read more books, or they have to stop reading books, or anything else like that.

You can always invite people to try something new, but you don’t want to try to control them. Be friends with someone because of who they are now, not because of who you want them to be.

They give more than they take.

Do you ever get the feeling that someone only seems to be interested in you when you’re throwing a party, or when they need someone to help them move? That might be a sign that they take more than they give. It’s just not healthy to become friends with someone because you want to cash in on what they have to offer you, or vice versa.

A friendship should be mutually beneficial, with each of you offering help, support, and encouragement because you want to, without having ulterior motives. Any fringe benefits like getting invited to the best parties should be secondary to that.

They’re tolerant of your beliefs.

No one we meet is ever going to be exactly like us, and so disagreements are bound to happen. This is perfectly normal, and it makes life interesting. But if you happen to disagree on your deeply held beliefs, for example religion and politics, that can potentially be a problem.

Religious differences have caused many bitter arguments (not to mention wars). Political differences have caused great rifts between people who otherwise got along perfectly. But this doesn’t need to happen. Good friends can accept that one is Catholic and the other is an atheist, or that one is voting for McCain and the other is voting for Obama. There may be some debates, sometimes even heated ones, but at the end of the day, a good friend isn’t going to turn their back on you because of your beliefs. (Well, at least non-fanatical beliefs!)

Final thoughts

It’s great to be friendly, and to openly welcome new people into your life. But don’t set the bar so low as to befriend people who will do more harm than good. It’s OK to turn away from people who want to be more like a parasite than a human being. Resolve to be a good friend to others, and to expect the same in return.

無可否認，我們的朋友對我們的生活產生了巨大影響。好朋友使快樂時光更加美好，使不快的時光變得可以忍受。我們在學習和成長中分享各自的想法和經驗。可以說，沒有朋友的生活就不能叫生活。

然而，我們對友誼的需要也造成很大的風險。由于交了不良朋友，我們為自己的生活增加了混亂與迷惑，并可能改變我們的個人成長軌跡。請記住，您需要仔細選擇您的朋友，使好人成為您的核心朋友，同時使您遠離那些有害的人。以下是一個好朋友的一些重要特征。

他們通常是積極的

每個人都有他們的沉浮，但一個好朋友大部分時間中是積極的。你真的不會想要一個“負擔” ，有人會用他的長期的消極吮干你生命所有的力量。朋友應相互受益于對方，并讓他們的積極性去互相安慰對方。

人生苦短，你沒有足夠的時間把每個人從消極中拯救出來，同時從中也拖累了自己。這也是雙向的，為了做好朋友，你也要積極。大體上朋友都應該讓對方感到自我和生活更好。

他們不會非要勉強你改變自己

你不能改變不想改變的人。人是不同的，我們必須接受。雖然我們天生都希望與他人分享我們的看法和愛好，這也不是說我們可以強迫別人改變。所以不要生硬的告訴別人，他們必須是素食主義者，或者他們必須吃肉，或者他們必須讀更多的書，或者他們必須停止看書，或其他任何類似的東西。

您隨時都可以邀請其他人嘗試新事物，但你不要想著試圖控制他們。成為朋友是因為你喜歡現在的他們，而不是想要他們成為某人。

他們付出的比索取的多

你是否曾經有這樣的感覺，有人似乎只在你舉辦晚會的時候對你有興趣，或者當他們需要有人來幫助他們搬遷的時候？這也許是他們索取多于給予的一個跡象。因為要利用別人的給予才與其交朋友，這是不道德的，別人這樣對你也是一樣。

友誼應該是互惠互利的，每個人都自愿提供幫助，支持和鼓勵，而不要別有用心。而任何象被邀請參加最好的晚會一類的福利應放在其次。

他們能寬容對待你的信念

我們遇到的任何人都不會跟我們完全一樣，所以分歧必然會發生。這是完全正常的，并為生活添加趣味。但是，如果你碰巧由于自己根深蒂固的信仰，如宗教和政治，而與別人意見不一，這可能會是一個問題。

宗教上的差異造成了許多苦澀的爭論（更不用說戰爭了）。政治上的分歧造成了人民之間巨大的裂痕，其實否則能相處很好。但是，這并不需要在朋友間發生。好的朋友可以接受一個是天主教徒而另一個是一個無神論者，或者一個給麥凱恩投票另一個是為奧巴馬投票。可能兩人有一些爭論，有時甚至是激烈的，但在一天結束的時候，一個好朋友是不會因為你的信仰而不理你。 （嗯，你的信仰只要不是盲目的信仰！ ）

最后的想法

對人友好，廣交朋友，這些都很好。但是，不要門檻太低，以至于交到一些對你弊大于利的朋友。要拒絕更像一個寄生蟲而不像一個人的人。下決心做他人的好朋友，并會有同樣的回報。