Pay a compliment

恭維

Why is it so easy to forget someone’s name within seconds of meeting them? Because, you weren’t really listening—you were too busy thinking about what to say next. One easy way to skirt that natural selfishness and propel awkward conversations forward is to open with flattery. When you meet someone for the first time, “Pay that person a compliment when repeating their name, thus helping to anchor and embed it even deeper into your memory,” says professional mentalist Oz Pearlman, who sometimes has to remember the names of hundreds of people he just met for his act. If you compliment Alyssa on her necklace, you instantly prime your brain to recall her name the next time you see that necklace, Pearlman says. “As a bonus, everyone enjoys flattery, so that compliment can go a long way toward you being remembered as well.” Check out these other 15 ways to avoid a severely awkward situation.

為什么一見面就很容易忘記別人的名字？因?yàn)椋�你沒(méi)有認(rèn)真聽你在想接下來(lái)該說(shuō)什么。一個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單的方法可以避開這種天生的自私，推動(dòng)尷尬的談話向前發(fā)展，就是用奉承來(lái)開場(chǎng)。當(dāng)你第一次遇見某人時(shí)，“在重復(fù)他們的名字的時(shí)候給他們一個(gè)贊美，這樣有助于錨定并將其更深入地嵌入你的記憶，”職業(yè)精神學(xué)家奧茲·珀?duì)柭�說(shuō)，他有時(shí)不得不記住他為自己的行為遇到的數(shù)百人的名字。佩爾曼說(shuō)，如果你稱贊艾莉莎的項(xiàng)鏈，下次看到那條項(xiàng)鏈時(shí)，你會(huì)立刻啟動(dòng)大腦回憶起她的名字。“作為獎(jiǎng)勵(lì)，每個(gè)人都喜歡恭維，這樣恭維也能在很大程度上幫助你被記住。”看看下面的15種方法，以避免出現(xiàn)嚴(yán)重尷尬的情況。

Ask lots of questions—good questions

問(wèn)很多好問(wèn)題

Research shows that in conversations with unfamiliar people, we tend to rate the experience based on our own performance, not theirs. What’s more: the experience of talking about ourselves can be more pleasurable than food or money. So, how do you give your conversation partner the pleasure of a good conversation? Ask them questions—a lot of questions, and ones that call for more than vague one-word answers (a good rule is, if your question can be answered with “fine,” don’t ask it). Avoid work if you can; instead, ask about play—”What keeps you busy outside of work?” is a good place to start. According to Debra Fine, author of The Fine Art of Small Talk, one question pretty much guaranteed to put someone in a positive mindset and open doors to their personality: “What has the highlight of your year been so far?” This allows the person to show you her best self and, if her highlight includes a topic you’re interested in too, may lay the groundwork for a true friendship. Use these other tricks to stop awkward silence on a first date.

研究表明，在與不熟悉的人交談時(shí)，我們傾向于根據(jù)自己的表現(xiàn)而不是他們的表現(xiàn)來(lái)評(píng)價(jià)經(jīng)驗(yàn)。更重要的是：談?wù)撟约旱慕?jīng)歷可能比食物或金錢更令人愉快。那么，你如何給你的談話伙伴一個(gè)愉快的談話？向他們提問(wèn)——很多問(wèn)題，以及需要一個(gè)詞以上模糊答案的問(wèn)題（一個(gè)好的規(guī)則是，如果你的問(wèn)題可以用“好”來(lái)回答，不要問(wèn)）。如果可以的話，盡量避免工作；相反，問(wèn)問(wèn)玩的事-“什么讓你在工作之外忙？“是一個(gè)很好的開始。據(jù)《閑聊的藝術(shù)》一書的作者黛布拉·費(fèi)恩說(shuō)，有一個(gè)問(wèn)題幾乎可以肯定會(huì)讓一個(gè)人有一個(gè)積極的心態(tài)，打開一扇通向個(gè)性的大門：“你這一年的亮點(diǎn)到目前為止是什么？“這可以讓她向你展示她最好的自我，如果她的亮點(diǎn)也包括你感興趣的話題，可能會(huì)為真正的友誼打下基礎(chǔ)。在第一次約會(huì)時(shí)，用這些技巧來(lái)阻止尷尬的沉默。

Make a game out of small talk

用閑聊做游戲

If you keep feeding a person questions and they keep giving you nothing back, go for the jugular and make it a game. According to Jeanne Martinet, author of  The Art of Mingling, small talk should be playful like a game of tennis, not serious like a job interview. Her go-to game? “I’ll say something like, ‘Tell me three things about your company, and I’ll guess what company it is.’ Or, ‘What’s that you’re drinking? Wait—let me guess.’ Get them into the spirit.” Start awkward conversations on the right note with these 37 conversation starters that make you instantly more interesting.

如果你不停地問(wèn)別人問(wèn)題，而他們卻不給你任何回報(bào)，那就去找頸靜脈，把它變成一個(gè)游戲。《交融的藝術(shù)》一書的作者珍妮·馬丁內(nèi)特認(rèn)為，閑聊應(yīng)該像打網(wǎng)球一樣好玩，而不是像面試一樣嚴(yán)肅。她去比賽了？“我會(huì)說(shuō)，‘告訴我你公司的三件事，我猜是哪家公司。’或者，‘你喝的是什么？’等等，讓我猜猜。讓他們進(jìn)入精神狀態(tài)。用這37個(gè)對(duì)話開頭，在正確的音符上開始尷尬的對(duì)話，讓你立刻變得更有趣。

Try to make their day better

努力讓他們的日子過(guò)得更好

If your conversation partner still isn’t biting, make things even easier for them by asking games researcher Jane McGonigal’s favorite question: “On a scale of one to ten, how was your day?” Anyone can think of a number between one and ten, McGonigal says, and they’re likely to elaborate on their answer as they go. But it gets even better. After they respond, ask them this: “Is there anything I can do to move you from a six to a seven (or a three to a four, etc.)?” You’d be surprised how happy this little gesture will make someone. Try these other things good listeners do in daily conversations.

如果你的談話對(duì)象仍然不咬人，問(wèn)游戲研究人員簡(jiǎn)·麥戈尼格爾最喜歡的問(wèn)題：“從1到10分，你今天過(guò)得怎么樣？“任何人都能想到一到十之間的數(shù)字，”麥戈尼格爾說(shuō)，他們很可能會(huì)詳細(xì)說(shuō)明自己的答案。但它變得更好了。在他們回答之后，問(wèn)他們：“我能做些什么讓你從六歲變成七歲（或者從三歲變成四歲，等等）？“你會(huì)很驚訝這個(gè)小小的動(dòng)作會(huì)讓人多么高興。試試好的聽眾在日常對(duì)話中做的其他事情。

Play the sympathy card

打同情牌

Ready for a cheater’s way to advance awkward conversations? Memorize three magic words: “that sounds hard.” “Nearly everyone in the world believes their job to be difficult,” entrepreneur Paul Ford wrote in his viral essay, “How to Be Polite.” “I once went to a party and met a very beautiful woman whose job was to help celebrities wear Harry Winston jewelry. I could tell that she was disappointed to be introduced to this rumpled giant in an off-brand shirt, but when I told her that her job sounded difficult to me she brightened and spoke for 30 straight minutes about sapphires and Jessica Simpson.”

準(zhǔn)備好接受騙子的方式來(lái)推進(jìn)尷尬的對(duì)話了嗎？記住三個(gè)神奇的詞：“聽起來(lái)很難。”“世界上幾乎每個(gè)人都認(rèn)為自己的工作很難，”企業(yè)家保羅·福特在他的病毒式文章《如何禮貌》中寫道，“我曾經(jīng)參加過(guò)一個(gè)聚會(huì)，遇到一個(gè)非常漂亮的女人，她的工作是幫助名人穿上哈里·W的衣服。”Inston珠寶。我可以說(shuō)，她很失望被介紹給這個(gè)穿著非品牌襯衫、滿臉皺紋的巨人，但當(dāng)我告訴她，她的工作聽起來(lái)對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)很困難時(shí)，她變得開朗起來(lái)，連續(xù)30分鐘都在談?wù)撍{(lán)寶石和杰西卡·辛普森。”

Seek their opinion

征求他們的意見

This tip has been tested by perhaps our most tactful founding father, Benjamin Franklin. In his memoir, Franklin describes an “old maxim” that helped him along in his political career: “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.” In other words, if you ask someone for advice or a favor and they oblige you, they will be psychologically primed to like you and help you again (today this phenomenon is known as The Ben Franklin effect). So, if you truly want to endear yourself to a stranger and show them you value their mind, ask for their advice on something. If they give it to you, they get to feel important and valued—and you might just learn something in the process. Steal these other 16 secrets of naturally charming people.

這條建議或許已經(jīng)被我們最圓滑的開國(guó)元?jiǎng)妆窘苊?middot;富蘭克林（benjamin franklin）驗(yàn)證過(guò)。在他的回憶錄中，富蘭克林描述了一句“古老的格言”，這句格言幫助了他在政治生涯中的發(fā)展：“曾經(jīng)為你做過(guò)一件好事的人，會(huì)比你自己感激的人更愿意為你做另一件事。”換言之，如果你向別人尋求建議或幫助，他們會(huì)感激你，他們將在心理上準(zhǔn)備好喜歡你并再次幫助你（今天這種現(xiàn)象被稱為本富蘭克林效應(yīng)）。所以，如果你真的想讓一個(gè)陌生人喜歡你，讓他們知道你重視他們的思想，那就去征求他們的意見吧。如果他們給了你，他們會(huì)覺得自己很重要，很有價(jià)值，你可能會(huì)在這個(gè)過(guò)程中學(xué)到一些東西。偷走這16個(gè)自然迷人的人的秘密。

Pass the topic to someone else

把話題傳給別人

Not everyone is going to be fascinated by that documentary you’re obsessed with. If the conversation has been “flowing” for 20 minutes because you can’t stop talking, it’s not really flowing at all. “When [people] dominate the conversation, they are talking at someone, not with someone,” small talk expert Bernardo Carducci, PhD, tells HuffPost. Avoid falling into that trap by making a point of letting other people contribute to the conversation, he recommends. If they change the topic when given the chance, let it go.

不是每個(gè)人都會(huì)被你所著迷的紀(jì)錄片所吸引。如果因?yàn)槟銦o(wú)法停止交談，談話已經(jīng)“流暢”了20分鐘，那就完全不是流暢的。“當(dāng)（人們）主導(dǎo)談話時(shí)，他們是在和某人說(shuō)話，而不是和某人說(shuō)話，”閑聊專家BernardoCarducci博士告訴《赫芬頓郵報(bào)》。他建議，通過(guò)讓其他人參與談話來(lái)避免落入這個(gè)陷阱。如果他們有機(jī)會(huì)改變?cè)掝}，就放手吧。

Repetition is key

重復(fù)是關(guān)鍵

Yes, it’s possible to switch topics without letting the other person know how bored you are. Start by repeating the last thing the person said to sum up their point, suggests Anna Sale, creator of the podcast Death, Sex & Money. “That’s very effective because you’re saying, ‘I’ve been listening to you. I hear what you’ve been trying to tell me. Now let’s move on to something else,’” she tells Real Simple. When you do shift away, the other person will still feel like they got their point across.

是的，可以在不讓對(duì)方知道你有多無(wú)聊的情況下切換話題。播客《死亡、性與金錢》的創(chuàng)作者安娜·賽爾建議，首先，重復(fù)這個(gè)人說(shuō)的最后一句話來(lái)總結(jié)他們的觀點(diǎn)。“這很有效，因?yàn)槟阍谡f(shuō)，‘我一直在聽你說(shuō)。我聽到你一直想告訴我的話。“現(xiàn)在讓我們換個(gè)話題，”她簡(jiǎn)單地說(shuō)。當(dāng)你真的離開時(shí)，對(duì)方仍然會(huì)覺得他們明白了自己的觀點(diǎn)。

Exit gracefully

優(yōu)雅地結(jié)束

When your conversation reaches a natural conclusion, pull the trigger by saying “I won’t keep you” or “Give my regards to [mutual acquaintance]” before making your escape. Adam Dachis, a coauthor of The Awkward Human Survival Guide, adds that context can provide you the perfect exit strategy. “If you’re at a party, excuse yourself to get a drink; if you’re at work, you can leave to get some coffee. You can also say, ‘It’s nice talking to you, but I have to talk to someone before they leave.’” Learn 11 more small talk tips that will make you less awkward.

當(dāng)你的談話自然結(jié)束時(shí)，扣動(dòng)扳機(jī)說(shuō)“我不會(huì)留下你”或“向[共同認(rèn)識(shí)的人]問(wèn)好”，然后再逃跑。《笨拙的人類生存指南》的合著者亞當(dāng)·達(dá)奇補(bǔ)充說(shuō)，環(huán)境可以為你提供完美的退出策略。“如果你在聚會(huì)上，請(qǐng)?jiān)�諒自己去喝一杯；如果你在工作，你可以離開去喝咖啡。你也可以說(shuō)，‘很高興和你交談，但我必須在某人離開之前和他交談。’“再多學(xué)11個(gè)小貼士，這會(huì)讓你不那么尷尬。

（來(lái)源：滬江英語(yǔ)）